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The Fruit of Good Love Boundaries - Ephesians 5

Thursday, August 20 –

The workweek, for most of you, is almost over.  On this Thursday, we continue our reading thru the New Testament with Ephesians 5:1 – 33.  If you would like to, please return, and we’ll walk through it a second time.


Ephesians 5 covers the gamut of practical living.  While you might be intrigued to read about the issue of husbands and wives and submission, there is a lot more here than that.  Paul began in chapter 4 with the “walk” of a Christian – how we live out our faith in the day to day life of relationships, church, business, the world.  Chapter 5 is part of that continuing conversation.  When we came to the end of chapter 4, we hit another unfortunate chapter division.  We have noticed this before, but the first word in chapter 5 is “therefore,” and the rule of interpreting Scripture is to ask – “what is the, therefore, there for”?  Let’s go back to the last part of chapter four and put it together with the first part of chapter 5, to make sense of what Paul is writing – “And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.  Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.  Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.  Therefore, be imitators of God as beloved children.  And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God” (4:30 - 5:2). Our lives in Christ are to be marked by submission to God with our minds and mouths, as well as a “walk in love,” as Christ has loved us.  It is what allows us to be “imitators of God.”  Children copy their parents, i.e., imitate God, and learn from them what it means to be forgiven, i.e., as Christ loved us, and understand when their actions are a disappointment to them, i.e., do not grieve the Holy Spirit.  All three of the Godhead cares about our words and actions!

I was in Seminary when I first came across the great work of Thomas ã Kempis, “Imitation of Christ.”  Some have said it is the second most widely read book after the Bible.  He lived in the 15th century and was a forerunner to the Reformation.  Yet he preceded the printing press, and, as an Augustinian monk, he spent the majority of his work in copying the bible into manuscripts.   While he copied the pages of the Bible, he became immersed over and over again in Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection, and the church as Jesus’ body.  He read Paul in Ephesians 5:1 and knew this was his life’s devotion – to imitate Christ.  He wrote, “We must imitate Christ’s life and his ways if we are to be truly enlightened and set free from the darkness of our own hearts. Let it be the most important thing we do, then, to reflect on the life of Jesus Christ.”[1]
Given Paul’s admonitions in chapter 4 to “take off the old and put on the new,” we are not surprised by this continuing in this chapter.  Paul says that our goal is not a religion, or personal piety, nor legalistic rules, but a heart desire to do the things that are consistent with Christ Jesus. 

As a result, he reminds us of some actions and attitudes that are not consistent with Jesus. 
“But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints.  Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving.  For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God.  Let no one deceive you with empty words, for because of these things the wrath of God comes upon the sons of disobedience.  Therefore, do not become partners with them; for at one time you were darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Walk as children of light” (5:3-8). 
It was in 1966, during the sexual revolution, that Joseph Fletcher published his book “Situational Ethics: The New Morality.”  In it he espoused an ethic that rejected biblical moral absolutes (he was an Episcopal Priest who eventually turned Atheist) and said that all situations concerning sexuality and other moral concerns, stand on their own, looking past any standards of right or wrong and doing what the circumstances allow.  We didn’t know that his philosophy would be embraced by so many.  We also didn’t know that adultery, divorce, pre-marital sex, abortions, and same-sex relationships would all dramatically rise in numbers.  The failure of Fletcher’s philosophy lies in an inadequate understanding of love.  Trying to separate God’s love from His moral standards invites us to become our own god, i.e., self-determining what is love, and therefore is right.  Paul’s point is that in imitating God, we know the difference between what God has sanctioned, and what He has not.

Moral boundaries are not burdensome but bring freedom when embraced correctly.  “(for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true) and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord.  Take no part in the unfruitful works of darkness, but instead expose them.  For it is shameful even to speak of the things that they do in secret.  But when anything is exposed by the light, it becomes visible, for anything that becomes visible is light. Therefore, it says, “Awake, O sleeper, and arise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.” (5:9-14).
The fruit of moral boundaries is that they are good, right, true, and pleasing to the Lord.  As well, they free us from the guilt and shame that accompany the actions “in secret.”  We understand that as believers in Christ, people watch, and notice what choices, actions, and attitudes we make.  He reminds us to “stay awake…be vigilant…Christ will shine on your life”, and ends with – “Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil” (5:15-16).  It’s the parental advice to their child – “look both ways, be careful, use your head”!

As a teacher in a Discipleship school for young adults, the most frequent question I was asked was, “how do I know God’s will for my life”?  Of course, they were after answers having to do with marriage, career, even missions, and ministry.  Yet, I almost always answered the same way – “Live for God, watch out for the pressures of the world, be careful about what you allow into your mind, and make wise decisions – everything else will take care of itself.”  Paul said it this way –
“Therefore, do not be foolish, but understand what the will of the Lord is.  And do not get drunk with wine, for that is debauchery, but be filled with the Spirit, addressing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody to the Lord with your heart,  giving thanks always and for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ” (5:17-21). 
Foolish versus wise, drunk versus the Spirit, proclaiming what you believe in, and doing it all with thanksgiving to God, in the name of Christ Jesus.  Oh yes, do it humbly, in submission to others for the sake of Christ.

It’s so practical that these contrasts surface in our lives every day.  Wives and husbands have to deal with the practical aspects of wise, Spirit-led, thankfulness to God marriage living – “ Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord.  For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior.  Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.  Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word,  so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.  In the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.  For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church because we are members of his body” (5:22-30).
I remember when I was in Seminary, and as well, newly married.  I came home one day after studying this passage and informed Linda (my wife) that she was supposed to submit to me!  Linda had been a Christian a lot longer than me, and she informed me – in words that still live in me – “when you love me as Christ loves the church, you can be sure I’ll submit to you”!  That was a drop-the-mic moment. 

The subject here is prefaced by the words in verse 21 – “submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.”  As a Christian, I am in submission to Jesus Christ.  If we lose sight of that, we lose sight of the principle of mutuality.  Yes, as a husband, I have responsibilities, but they generally fall under the heading of “love your wife.”  Remember the context?  Walk worthy of the calling…”, “Put off the old self, and put on the new person created in Christ,” “Be imitators of Christ…and walk in love,” “be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ.”  A wife who is loving, respects her husband, and a husband who is loving, respects his wife will not have a problem with the subject of submission.  Christian marriage, like Christian followers of Jesus, realizes that there is a deeply mutually satisfying partnership when we do it God’s way.  Now, go back to all those things Paul wrote about that will destroy this: 5:3-11.  Love is not a situational ethic, but God-trusting, God-emulating obedience to please our partner – God first, then also our spouse.

A godly marriage speaks loudly and spiritually – “This mystery (marriage) is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.  However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband” (5:32-33).  Love and respect still win out over any situational ethic.  When we give ourselves to our spouse, in love, with respect, we also give worth, such that we are willing to sacrifice for his or her sake. We don't lose ourselves but gain a sense of Christ's sacrifice on our behalf, and so learn of our own worth before God.

Peace



[1] Thomas ã Kempis, The Imitation of Christ, First Treatise

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