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Day 12: Doubting Faith

Ok friends and followers, I'm traveling tomorrow so I decided to post this a few hours early...on Monday evening instead of Tuesday, but it will serve to be Day 11 of Lent's blog. It's about doubt and faith...which ultimately do go together.
Here's a reading for Tuesday:

Mark 9:14-29 14  And when they came to the disciples, they saw a great crowd around them, and scribes arguing with them. 
15  And immediately all the crowd, when they saw him, were greatly amazed and ran up to him and greeted him. 
16  And he asked them, “What are you arguing about with them?” 
17  And someone from the crowd answered him, “Teacher, I brought my son to you, for he has a spirit that makes him mute. 
18  And whenever it seizes him, it throws him down, and he foams and grinds his teeth and becomes rigid. So I asked your disciples to cast it out, and they were not able.” 
19  And he answered them, “O faithless generation, how long am I to be with you? How long am I to bear with you? Bring him to me.” 
20  And they brought the boy to him. And when the spirit saw him, immediately it convulsed the boy, and he fell on the ground and rolled about, foaming at the mouth. 
21  And Jesus asked his father, “How long has this been happening to him?” And he said, “From childhood. 
22  And it has often cast him into fire and into water, to destroy him. But if you can do anything, have compassion on us and help us.” 
23  And Jesus said to him, “‘If you can’! All things are possible for one who believes.” 
24  Immediately the father of the child cried out and said, “I believe; help my unbelief!” 
25  And when Jesus saw that a crowd came running together, he rebuked the unclean spirit, saying to it, “You mute and deaf spirit, I command you, come out of him and never enter him again.” 
26  And after crying out and convulsing him terribly, it came out, and the boy was like a corpse, so that most of them said, “He is dead.” 
27  But Jesus took him by the hand and lifted him up, and he arose. 
28  And when he had entered the house, his disciples asked him privately, “Why could we not cast it out?” 
29  And he said to them, “This kind cannot be driven out by anything but prayer.”

My faith is full of daily doubts. Is that possible someone once asked me? Yes, because like the Father of this boy I do believe, but need God to help me in my times of doubt, or strictly speaking, times of unbelief.

When Jesus asks the father, "How long has he been like this?", the father's answer is "since childhood".
When we - anyone of us - face pain, suffering, disease, moments of disorientation that last for long periods of time...days turn to weeks, weeks to months, months to years...it can lead us to a places of sincere doubt.

Does God know?
Why will he not act to change things?
What have I done to have to go through this?
Why is the Father's will?
Where is the faith that leads to healing? etc...

The questions go on and on turning over in our minds, sometimes minute by minute, and there seemingly are no answers.

"Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of which is not seen" says the writer of Hebrews 11.

There is hope, and there is the “not-see-anything” aspect to faith.
But what about the doubt?

In the story, the father says to Jesus, "...If you can do anything, take pity on us and help us." It is not just about the boy, it is about "us" sometimes. These kinds of needs for healing affect everyone around the person who has the disease too.

Jesus, seemingly rebukes this doubt - Mark 9:23 (NIV) 
23 "'If you can?" said Jesus. "Everything is possible for him who believes." 

We say it…everything is possible with God.
Yes, but then that makes us realize that this is not true of us.
Even the disciples struggled and they said, “Why could we not…?” That is our dilemma…why could I not?

I don't think this was a rebuke, but a calm, measured confidence that was meant dislodge the negative thoughts that have flooded his mind over and over, bring him out of his desperation in order to lead him back to faith.

There are times when we find it ok to embrace doubt. It can be an act of humility that simply says "I don't know what to do, and I don't know how to solve this."

None of us knows all that God has in his mind towards us, or anyone else we know. We are seekers of "truth", not seekers of being right all of the time.
We are lovers of God, his character, his faithfulness and goodness, and none of our experiences can fully understand how those might still be true even when we're not doing well.

So I say, “Embrace the doubt, pray with Faith, and hang on too!

Peace



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