It was St. Thomas Kempis in his writing “The Imitation of Christ” who said of imitating Christ Jesus: “He that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, saith the Lord. These are the words of Christ; and they teach us how far we must imitate His life and character if we seek true illumination and deliverance from all blindness of heart. Let it be our most earnest study, therefore, to dwell upon the life of Jesus Christ.”
This book “The Imitation of Christ” serves as a backdrop to my journey to the Catholic Church. A few years ago, facing retirement from 40-plus years of pastoral ministry, I began to think (again) about this journey I was on to follow Christ. Covid hit in 2020, and I clearly felt Christ was “shaking the shakeable so that the unshakeable would remain”, a passage from Hebrews 12. What I didn’t realize at the time was that he was shaking me. My soul was restless and grieving as I witnessed what was happening to many who left the church during this time, sensing they no longer had a need for the community of the church.
Let me be honest, I had grown quite disillusioned with much of what I saw in evangelical Christianity. I had for a couple of decades looked at Western Protestant Christianity with a view of “Mall Christianity”. It was the individualistic idea of self-choice…much like going into a Mall and entering into this thing or that thing, but eliminate the rest. It appeals to a culture like ours that is materialistic and individualized. Besides our own experience, other churches seemed to be going through the same things… a deconstruction of community and reconstruction into different communities. God was shaking. I discovered that I grieved the “shaking”, but understood the need.
As I watched it all, I couldn’t help but hear in my spirit and mind the words of the Old Testament writer of Ecclesiastes, “Vanity of Vanity, all is Vanity. This was not a way to follow Christ. So, I began to ask questions, serious ones. “Lord, where is your church?”… and “where is the oneness you prayed to the Father for in the church?” (John 17)… how are you “building my church and the gates of hell will not prevail against it?” I began to explore churches with liturgy because I wanted to join a communal rather than individualistic worship. I longed for a liturgy of worship in confession (Sin and Creed), and for a celebration centered around Christ Jesus and the real presence of Christ in Worship, in the Communion celebration (traditionally called the Eucharist). I had been trained, studied, and taught church history for 40-plus years, and I returned to the early Church Fathers to gain wisdom. I saw in their writings a oneness of community in spite of being separated by an empire-wide distance. I saw in their writings an Apostolic faithfulness that they carried from the early Apostles. I saw a church that didn’t just survive, but thrived in a time of great “shaking”.
Last Christmas Eve, I went to a Catholic Mass and fell in love with the worship of Christ in Liturgy and the Eucharist. I wept as the Mass drew me into a sense of being with Christ in the present space and heaven was meeting earth. It began a journey that led me to continue to go to the Mass, even daily, and to spend time in quiet adoration of Jesus Christ. It led me to begin to study, read, and learn about what Catholicism teaches, which then led me to pursue more studies - becoming a Catechumen to see if I indeed I wanted to become Catholic.
In late April, early May, I was in a Mass, watching because I was not yet Confirmed. It was during this worship time that God seemed to speak into my heart… “What do you desire?”… and I answered “You Lord, You”… I felt the response, “Come and See”.
On Saturday evening, June 10, I was Confirmed into the Catholic Church… I’ve come home.
If you are at all interested in what this means, please come back when I post a new blog.
It was St. Anselm that reminds us that we are always Christians who have a "faith seeking understanding". That understanding is only beginning... a New Beginning.
The Peace of Christ be with you!
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