Parenting a Generation by Faith, Part 2

Yesterday I began to share some thoughts from a teaching in this series called "The Journey of Faith".  Faith is the most indispensable action from our part to live in a relationship with God.  In previous blogs I've shared extensively on ways in which faith intersected the lives of the Old Testament believers.  

In this post, which is part 2 we are looking at the way Faith becomes part of our vision for being Parents  (yesterday's was part 1, so read it before this one if you haven't done so yet).  The passage in Hebrews and the corresponding section in Exodus have to do with Moses...

I'll begin where we left off yesterday:

Hebrews 11:24-27
²⁴  By faith Moses, when he was grown up, refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter,
²⁵  choosing rather to be mistreated with the people of God than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin.
²⁶  He considered the reproach of Christ greater wealth than the treasures of Egypt, for he was looking to the reward.
²⁷  By faith he left Egypt, not being afraid of the anger of the king, for he endured as seeing him who is invisible.

Moses chose a pathway of Faith.  He risked it all on God too.

What he did wasn’t right…he killed an Egyptian taskmaster and fled for his life…but he did it because he knew that remaining in privilege in the Egyptian courts was not the pathway of faith… That's what vss. 26-27 make that clear.

BUT it all began with his parent’s choice to choose to risk it all on Faith and trust in God in the face of difficult choices.  Some might say, they were doing what any normal parent would do.  You protect your child, and do everything you can to help your child grow up in a safe environment. That’s what all parents do, or should do.  And that would be partially true.  But parenting involves more than just making sure our kids grow up safe.   

Parenting by faith…

What do I mean?

Parenting By Faith – Risk and Reward

Faith is defined in Hebrews 11:1
¹  Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.

And then it is amplified in Hebrews 11:6
⁶  And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.

Faith is not based on what you know…it is a risk - in a simple way, first in believing that God exists, but then "drawing" near to him (prayer, read his words, seek to obey); and believing that he rewards our seeking. 

None of that changes in being a Parent.

When I was a Dad, I did a lot of drawing near to God for my kids.  I still do…I pray for my kids and grandkids everyday.  Yet I was a busy dad who didn't spend the time I would have liked to with my kids - which is a poor excuse by the way Men.  I will say though a big reason why our kids chose faith in God was more Linda than me.  She was very involved in their lives.  Parents can't always do all they want to do, but they can do something.  Parenting can produce a big guilt trip in terms of regrets…I wished I had… etc…, and I don’t have regrets, but I do have experience and the knowledge of what worked, and more importantly, what didn’t.

The title of this blog is “Parenting a Generation by Faith”.  Let's start with a basic question:  

The question:  What is the purpose of parenting?

Genesis 1:26-27
²⁶  Then God said, “Let us make man in our image, after our likeness…²⁷  So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.

Our children are part of a long line since the beginning of mankind of “image bearers”… 

I never wanted to lose sight of that – my children belong to God.

That’s crucial, we pray… “Our Father who is in heaven…”

The most fundamental thing to realize is that God is the one who gave us, and our children their identity.

Romans 8:16
¹⁶  The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God,

God is the one who created us, through the natural means of child birth by our own parents…and he is the author of our children’s lives too.

Psalm 139:13-14
¹³  For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴  I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

NOW…Let’s insert a reality check:  Yes, all of us are created in God’s image, but  realize that when God created Adam and Eve he did not create robots of perfection.  He gave them choice, and with that they chose to disobey him, and sin entered into the world…it changed everything.

That’s crucial to understand.  As parents our job is to help our children understand who God is, what sin is, and what Christ has done for us to take care of that problem…We can’t make that decision for them…  GOD HAS NO GRANDCHILDREN.

They have to understand that the decision is theirs to make.

That’s what compounds the difficulty of parenting in any generation.

Paul says something very profound to the Corinthians:  

2 Corinthians 4:3-5
³  And even if our gospel is veiled, it is veiled to those who are perishing.
⁴  In their case the god of this world has blinded the minds of the unbelievers, to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel of the glory of Christ, who is the image of God.
⁵  For what we proclaim is not ourselves, but Jesus Christ as Lord, with ourselves as your servants for Jesus’ sake.

Three distinct things to realize:

     1.   Your kids have an active enemy of their souls… someone who wants to drag them as far away from God as possible.

     2.   I’m flawed, sinful also…so I don’t proclaim myself…but I do model things like confession, forgiveness, apologizing, being sorry for actions, taking accountability, and realizing that I can show them right from wrong.

     3.   The answer is Jesus Christ…not just as Savior, but as LORD…our position is as a servant of Christ Jesus.

I would say it's crucial to teach our children the difference between religion and being a follower, or disciple of Jesus.  Our kids need to know that they belong to God, and that he is the one they are seeking.

Those are things that each child has to own for themselves.  This is a choice they each need to make…you can guide them, show them, even model the Gospel with confession, repentance, forgiveness, and sharing, encouraging their faith…but don’t think for a moment that they WILL INHERIT FAITH IN CHRIST…IT WON’T HAPPEN.  This is something they must choose for themselves.  

My kids are now actively parenting their kids towards that end.

There’s the truth of the Gospel.  There’s the truth of God’s ways and word…God’s values, Issues of Integrity and living truth out in our lives that we as parents all model to our kids.

Parents who just focus on the truth of God’s word without allowing their own lives to live out the values of that truth will not help birth a generational faith life.

Acts 2:37-42
³⁷  Now when they heard this they were cut to the heart, and said to Peter and the rest of the apostles, “Brothers, what shall we do?”
³⁸  And Peter said to them, “Repent and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins, and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.
³⁹  For the promise is for you and for your children and for all who are far off, everyone whom the Lord our God calls to himself.”

This is so crucial.

     1.   Repentance is the beginning to life…and with it comes Confession of Christ as our Savior.

     2.   Why is baptism in it?  Because baptism is an act of obedience…which goes to the heart of Jesus as LORD… 

I didn’t get baptized to get saved…or to say “look at me”…I got baptized because it was part of obedience in following Christ… and when our kids were at the appropriate ages, they were baptized…not because I said you should do it, but because they saw people getting baptized and asked Linda and me about it and asked to be baptized.  We explained that is was part of what it means to say out loud that Jesus Christ is my savior and Lord…and they chose to do that.

⁴⁰  And with many other words he bore witness and continued to exhort them, saying, “Save yourselves from this crooked generation.”

    

     3.   Another thing to note here, Peter reminds us that part of Parenting is the “save from a crooked generation” realities.

Wise parents know kids need help in decision making for a while. We are checks and balance of wisdom – see where values are coming from.

     4.   Lastly, the place for learning, fellowship, meals together, even praying with them.

⁴¹  So those who received his word were baptized, and there were added that day about three thousand souls.  ⁴²  And they devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers.

Parenting by Faith is not a set of rules to follow.  There's no formula.  What there is, is wisdom from God's word, the gift of his Spirit to help us, guide us into truth; and the Faith, Hope and Love that imparts to us as His gifts.

After 40 years of Parenting, here’s some things I think are worth incorporating into the training process.  And please don’t read these as anything other than “I want to help you as you raise your kids, not tell you what to do”:

     1.   They need to Learn Responsibility and Accountability –

Responsibility and accountability are crucial to maturity, because from them we learn the lessons on consequences.  We start by telling them what to do…(go wash up, make sure you use toilet tissue :), time for bed, say thank you…)

Yet sometime in there we need to shift towards their taking on responsibility, and with it accountability.  

After several years of being a parent I remember being struck by the number of times I used to say “now, don’t forget…” (Practice, homework, grandma’s birthday, youth group…).  Yet if you think about it, if you do that into teen years, we actually end up becoming dependent upon others for things we should take our own responsibility for. 

Do you know that studies show that a kid by the time they are 10 have most of the faculties necessary to be responsible, and accountable. 

Responsibility and accountability are crucial to maturity, because from them we learn the lessons on consequences. 

That’s why I never say to people who are part of the church, “where were you?” “I haven’t seen you in weeks/months", "why aren’t you in church?”…  It’s not my responsibility to get people to do that…to remind them that it is important through teaching, etc...Yes; but at the end of the day, those things reflects choices, and we're all accountable for those choices…and what we must remember is that our kids need to have the same learning curve. 

We can help…and it’s crucial that we do.

     2.    Don’t rescue them, but Do help them learn. 

A lot of parents believe their role is to rescue their kids from difficult stuff.

When I was a teacher, and a lecturer for college age students, I’d see this so often.  I’d have a student who screwed up…late for class, not completing assignments, not learning.  And I would talk to them, but ultimately tell them… “this is your grade, you will earn what you do here”.

When parents blame teachers, (and I realize not all teachers do a good job teaching) but when parents make teachers the issue, and explain away their kids faults, or try to negotiate grades and recommendations, intervene…they aren't helping their kid grow up to become mature.

What parents sometimes forget is that once they get adulthood, no one’s going to do that for them.  We know, from our own experience as we grew up, kids will screw up.   What we can do is help them learn from their mistakes, instead of rescuing them.  

     3.   Encourage skills, not grades. 

As a teacher I gave out grades.  But the reality is that sometimes giving a B instead of an A, or a C instead of a B, was the best thing for the student.  They worked hard at earning that grade, and the other one wouldn't have reflected the reality of their work.  I'll say this - Skills are more important than grades in life.

Last month a report came out about hiring practices among the top 200 American corporations.  The number one thing listed at the top of the list?  Work Ethic.  

Interestingly, not one company had “what is your GPA?” on their interview questions. 

Skills have to do with various things:  emotional and social boundaries, the way they treat others, listening, understanding, learning styles, honesty and integrity…. 

Grades might be a reflection, but they don’t show maturity.  All you have to do is look at some college athletes who are dishonest in either taking money, or having others take their classes, do their papers, etc…and see that even though they have incredible athletic giftedness and the ability to go to college, their maturity is entirely lacking.

     4.   Focus less on possessions, more on perspective. 

The #1 demographic of “At Risk Kids” in America is teens from Upper Middle Class homes.  Why?  The more material things they get, the less resourceful they become. 

Perspective is nothing more than a reality check – what is it that is most important in terms of living. 

I used to take young adults on 3^rd world missions trips.  I took them to build an orphanage in Zambia, lay foundations for homes in Poland (not 3^rd world)…India, China, Mexico…and invariably one of the first questions I’d get is “Can we still go to a McDonald's?”  And I’d say “No”, we’re going to eat, sleep and live with people as they eat, sleep and live”. 

Possessions are fine, but if that is what the focus becomes, those same possessions become the object instead of the means to growth.  

Our kids need US, not things.  Time with them is indispensable, and You can’t make up with time by getting them stuff. 

Remember, as they grow up, they become more autonomous.  With autonomy always comes responsibility.  “You want to borrow the car, sure make sure it’s full of gas when you come back home.”

In the end, I'll return to the purpose of this blog.  Parenting isn’t easy, it’s crucial that as parents we talk together, get on the same page, model love, forgiveness, faithfulness, integrity, honesty, honoring of others.

Parenting by Faith is possible, and it involves choosing God’s words and ways over the world around us.

Hebrews 11 reminds us that actions of Faith involve hope, but a hope that is unseen.  

Hebrews 11:1
¹  Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.

What we do as parents is hope, pray, by faith, for that which is not seen.

When I see kids become teens, and teens become adults, and see a faith in God foundation, a lot more good stuff happens than bad.

As parents, and Grandparents, we have a BIG goal in a Difficult world, but the promises of God are worth hanging to.

Remember the last verse in the Old Testament again?

Malachi 4:6
⁶  And he will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers…”

The reality is we’re always parenting a generation to do that when we’re followers of Christ.

Peace my friends